You're Welcome World

     Haters, Haters everywhere, I can't seem to escape them, from sea to sea there will always be haters, hating. Recently I ran into one of these haters, in of all places the emergency room, as I was waiting for a doctor on account of the head injury I had incurred from my recent airborne-bear wrestling session a women in her late sixty's as well as her husband walked into the room shortly after me. She had a pair of oversized post-surgery sunglasses on, and began to explain her situation loudly to the receptionist. "So there I was, taking a shower before I went out with the girls, when I picked up my herbal-vanilla scented shampoo I have and *schplrt* it just went straight into my eye, just straight into it. It hurt so badly I couldn't open my eye easily, and my husband told me to come here...so here I am." The receptionist responded with a strange look and told her the doctor would be with her shortly. Now there was nothing wrong with the shampoo lady walking into the emergency room for what she thought was an emergency that's not hating at all, however it was hating when she complained how slow the emergency room service was on a Friday night. "They couldn't possibly handle anything too bad tonight." she would say while intermittently muttering something to the nurse at the front desk,  as a result of her complaints the women was led back long before anyone else in the waiting room.
  This shampoo incident is by far not the worst case of hating I've seen, rather a reminder to all the constant presence hating has in our society, from Kanye to senior citizens everyone is to some degree a hater, not necessarily in a bad way though. Take, for example, a role model such as myself, I'm a hater, but I hate for the good of humanity pointing out those who do the exact opposite, hating negatively and pushing our society into a moral dark age.
  Just to make it clear I only call out morally reprehensible haters. I would never want to call out someone who's used their hating for good like I am. These haters that I have dedicated all of my hate too are the ones we all have experienced, the asshole-haters, the ones you avoid because hatin's all they know.  These so-called asshole-haters are the ones who see the sun come out and get frustrated at the heightened risk for skin cancer. As you may have guessed from their description, their asshole-hater status is incurable, and can only be recognized and avoided.
 While we may not have a cure for assholes,  I have a solution. All we would require is a few boats, a majority of Tahiti and some cake. To start we throw a party for every identified asshole-hater alive, (this should be easy accounting for all the assholes I have pointed out) on a small fleet of conjoined cruise ships in the pacific, and once the haters have declared that the party blows, as they are prone to do, the captains will immediately set course for Tahiti, while claiming they are returning home to America to salvage the party. Upon fleet hater arriving at Tahiti, we ditch them there leaving the assholes to hate amongst themselves. And then when the cruise ships return to an asshole-free America, we rename Tahiti Ass-Island in order to dissuade future tourists from visiting and swelling the assholes numbers. Problem solved, please write your local senator.